Ten Things I Forgot About Being Pregnant

When my daughter was little and we were out and about, I always used to see mothers with more than one and think to myself that there must be some biological happening that occurs that makes you forget how incredibly crappy you feel the first three months of a pregnancy so that you might entertain the idea of doing it again.  In my new mother stupor, I remember quite clearly feeling that I would have one more… but as I investigated further (very scientifically of course, by asking random folks over the course of a year) I found that people say the only reason a woman will ever have another baby after her first is because she experiences a unique type of amnesia.  One that makes her forget all the aches, and pains and sleepless nights and only remember the smell of a newborn’s head and the sweetness of tiny hands and feet.

In the past few months, I realized that I too, had been a victim of this amnesia. Not that I would change anything, because I wouldn’t, but I have to tell it like it is….and how the first trimester is — both miraculous and miserable all at once.

As you might have expected by now, here is my top ten list of things I completely forgot from my first pregnancy rodeo (most of them are miserable I admit, I’ll be getting to the miraculous ones in a few weeks):

1) Insomnia — How did I forget this?? It’s how I knew I was preggers the first time. I went to bed, slept for a few hours and then woke up with a racing heart, thinking I was having a friggin’ heart attack. Nope, just positively pregnant.  This time, same thing. I thought that it might be just a plain ol’ anxiety attack (because I get those too), but a sneaking suspicion suggested otherwise. I got up in the morning, peed on a stick and realized this was my pregnancy tell. I also realized this was the beginning of about 3 years of some type of sleep deprivation.

In…in…insomnia!

2) Work stoppage — And I’m not talking about the construction folks working on the trunk line down the street. I’m talking about my pipes. You know, the ones that take the waste product out of you and drop it well…you know where. Work totally stopped the last time….this time I was so bloated I looked like I was six months along when I wasn’t even six weeks.  The problem has since resolved…mostly.

3) My big mouth — I’m not normally a potty mouth.  Okay, let me qualify that…since having a child, I’m not normally used to cussing like a sailor.  And I still don’t around the little one, but when she isn’t around, not only do I seem to have had an increase in four-letter words coming out of my mouth, but I also seem to have no filter for crass no matter the audience.

I feel it in my fingers…I feel it in my toes…

4) Spaceyness — Say what? Look where? What was I doing again? Where did I leave my….what was I looking for again? I call it hormonal fog, known only to burn off when you stop breastfeeding your offspring.

5) The F Word — No. Not that one  (see #3 if you’re wondering about that.) I’m talking about the other F. Fatigue. Crippling, need to be in bed by 8:00p.m. after only being up for 12 hours kind of fatigue, but can’t since that means I wouldn’t even have time to change into my pajamas after putting the little monkey to bed. Nor would I shower some days. Or eat dinner.

6) Napping — The need to do it. The love of it. The absolute joy of it. In fact, excuse me…I need one. Right. This. Minute.

I don’t want to be a snowman, unless he is a sleeping one.

7) The Quirky Questions (and oddball remarks) — Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate people’s concern and interest…but sometimes, it becomes a hair inappropriate.  Let me give you a few examples – “Wow, someone’s showing already!” – no folks, that’s just my food baby peeking out from under my tee-shirt. “Was it planned?” — were you?

8) The Internal Heater – I usually run on the colder side. Well I ran on the colder side until probably the last year or so when I felt the gears of Mother Nature shifting towards a time when I could no longer have babies (the “change” as it’s called)….Imagine my surprise when 1) I became pregnant immediately  and 2) I remembered that I would not be able to go to work in my tank top and shorts.  It’s going to be a long, hot summer because of the tiny human heating me from the inside.

9) Rapid Change — In my moods, my tastes, my turn-offs, and my tolerance for bull (and that was already pretty low as it is.)

10) Rapid Growth — Here’s the miracle of the bunch – whether you believe it is all attributed to a higher power or just an incredible biological feat (I happen to think it is a combination of those things) – how a few cells turn into a 2 inch long itty-bitty human in such a short period of time boggles my foggy mind. It is miraculous, amazing, and I forgot how damn cool it was to follow along as the little bub adds functionality to its repertoire.

There it is folks – the top ten things I forgot from when I did this the last time.  If you’ve had more than one, what did you forget the second time around? Do you have a pregnancy tell?