Mindful and Meditative Mondays #16 – Maybe I need a different kind of shovel…

I’ve thought a lot lately about why I’ve not quite yet achieved certain things I would like to achieve, and I realized it comes down to this. I’m anxious and scared. Scared shitless (pardon my French) when it comes to certain things. Many of those things involve me and my finances – if I do this, will I be destitute? This is such a fear of mine, yet I’ve never actually been in that place so I’m not sure where it’s coming from.

I’ve let go of a lot of preconceived notions since last year in regards to me taking leaps and I’ve gotten nearly to the point where I realize nothing is personal.  I may mentally stir on things for a while, but in the end I only do that because whatever door closed means I have to face my fear again and that makes me mad.  Over and over this has happened…and I feel myself nudging closer to the nugget of truth. Closer to the edge of the precipice off which I need to jump and trust that my parachute will open or if it doesn’t, there will be a giant blue pillow at the bottom of the canyon that will cushion my fall.

I can’t wait any longer to find the courage to do what I need to do….so I’m going to dig deep and wide to face the fear that has held me back for years. And if I run into trouble, I’m just going to find a different kind of shovel…

Have a great week friends…

What does your shovel look like?

 

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